Monday, September 8, 2014

351 Days...

TPN WE ARE NEVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER

I remember when we first got together
Saying, "this is it, I have no choice," cause like
We've seen each other for 351 days
When I said I needed space (What?)
Then I come around and say
Baby I hate you" that's never gonna change, trust me.
Remember how that lasted forever in a day?
I say, "I hate you," we break up, you call me "I still hate you."

Ooh we called it off again last night
But ooh, this time I'm telling you

We are never ever ever getting back together,
We are never ever ever getting back together,
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together
Like, ever...

I'm really gonna miss you saving my life
And me yelling at you screaming that I'm done
And I hope I never need you in my life and you find your peace of mind
With some IV pole that's much cooler than mine.

Ooh, you tried to hook me up again tonight
But ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you

We are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together
We are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

Ooh, yeah, ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Ooh, yeah, ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Ooh, yeah, ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Oh oh oh

I used to think that we were forever ever
And I used to say, "Never say never..."
Ugh...so you call me up and you're like "you still need me"
And I'm like..."I just...I mean this is exhausting, you know like,
We are never getting back together. Like, ever.

NO!

We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together
We, ooh, getting back together, ohhh,
We, ooh, getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me (talk to me)
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

351 Days...That's 351 days too many. 11 months 17 days. 50 weeks. As you many of you know I have been able to run tube feeds since I was able to get my jtube placed which has made a huge impact for me! It was a very hard surgery and I had lots of pain issues thankfully a week later I finally started feeling better. I've had many hard days. Days were I didn't think I could carry on anymore! Days where it was so hard to get out of bed just because the pain was so bad. I remember the day I had to make the decision to start TPN. At that point I had been in the hospital for weeks. I never ever imagined I would be stuck on TPN. I didn't want it. My brother was on it. A central line meant no swimming, showering with tape covering my body, infection risk, sterilization, and a bunch more I did not want to deal with. I had no choice but to choose TPN. The GJ had failed and I could not live in the hospital. I cried and I cried and cried. No one wanted to pick that choice ever. But I didn't have a choice. It was a live or die thing. I think me knowing what TPN was and knowing the risks and actually experiencing it first hand with my brother made things harder on me. I didn't just hear the stories. I have seen the stories. But TPN has saved my life for 351 days. 8 months ago they told me I would probably never ever get off TPN. Even if I could get off TPN they say it won't be long term but I am here to prove them wrong. Today I am proud to say I am OFF TPN. Today I get to stop TPN. All those nights connected for 12 or 14 hours a night whatever they had my TPN run over. I don't need it. I am doing tube feeds into my jtube. The separate jtube has benefits of passing farther into the digestive tract which was only a plus side we would hope to work with the J-tube. It did it work! I didn't even imagine that happening when I got my j-tube placed. 24.7 feeds at a rate of 55ccs an hour. This is not high enough to be off TPN but my GI is okay with it because I have weight to loose since I have gained from the double calories and I am increasing at least 5ccs a day. So TPN we are never getting back together! Also side note if you weren't there for me when I was sick or you only want to be there for me when I'm healthy then please get out of my life. I want someone who is gonna be there for me through everything not someone who is only there when I'm healthy or too sick! I am so excited to be starting this new adventure TPN FREE!!!!

3 comments:

  1. Good for you! I just discovered your blog. I will be getting a nasal-duodenal feeding tube--and later probably a more permanent tube--soon and don't want it, but it's necessary to save my life, so I'm taking the plunge and getting one! Best wishes for your continued path to wellness!

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  2. So happy for you! Congratulations ♡

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