Friday, October 25, 2013

Life

but life is just life, you know? whatever happens, happens. Tyler told me this last night in the midst of a conversation we were having. It kind of shocked me when he said it. I mean I was already crying and boom. He just acts too old for his age sometimes. He knows too much because of what this disease has put him through and I hate every minute of it. The same disease that has robbed him of his childhood, hasn't let him be a kid, or let him go to school. He told me he likes having someone just like him(referring to me) because sometimes he feels likes his alone and the only one. He isn't like everyone else and as he is getting older he is realizing that. We carried on the conversation while I was doing IV medications and talked about some other things. I feel like I just have to promise my baby boy he will be okay. Everything will be okay. I know it will. Don't worry Tyler it won't be like this anymore. I know that. I love you okay? I promised him one thing last night. I promised him one day we won't be sick anymore. One day we won't be sick. We won't need lines anymore. We just won't be sick. I love you I said just holding him in my lap hugging him. I didn't even know what to say to him anymore. The last thing I say was. You are so strong buddy. Just keep fighting. I'm always here if you want to talk about anything and I left his room. I don't know what to say anymore. So much he said last night. Just so much that I wish he could realize. Or understand so it wasn't so hard  but to be honest, I'm not even sure I understand any part of what is going on right now. He keeps my head up high on some of the worst days. We will survive all of this. The entire conversation we had last night will always be a secret kept between the two of us and it will always be one of the most special moments in my life.

but life is just life, you know? whatever happens, happens.

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